Things I Wish Young Asian Girls Knew

They have to be said. The world has to know. It is time.

1. Hands down you will be the ugly duckling of the class growing up. Puberty will leave you with an unfortunate bout of unwanted facial hair and between your monobrow and peach fuzz, you're gonna look like a dead wringer for your cousin Abdul from back home. But fear not. Threading will become your bestfriend and your Asian beauty will flourish. Thick brows and glossy hair will become you young grasshopper.

2. Wash the damn coconut oil out of your hair. It's not a good look. Abort mission. I repeat abort mission. Are you a snail? Is the answer no? Good now sort your slimey ass hair out. It's not cute and it's definitely not nessecary.

3. PLEASE. I beg you. Do not concoct an elaborate lie to go and do sisha with your friends. It's not that deep. Your parents will know you weren't at maths revision when you bring home that pretty little U on your grade sheet. I hope you're better at dodging sandals than you are aunties on the high street. I'll pray for you.

4. Speaking of grades. When you rebel, which you will, don't let your education suffer. Your beauty will fade and your friends will leave but wouldn't you rather be rich and better off than alone and broke? Focus on the hustle baby girl. It's worth it. Tell your rudeboy to link you after maths revision. You've got goals.

5. Dark skin is beautiful. Put down the banana powder and embrace your natural NC40 shade. Come on now. You look like an ashtray rather than Angelina Jolie. Embrace your colour honestly it's beautiful. No matter how dark, light, blue or green you are, using the fair and lovely your nan brought back from Bangladesh for you isn't worth it. Sorry.

6. Your parents love you. Yes they are embarrassing. Yes they will be strict. But just give a thought to how they were raised. They just want to make sure you stay true to your roots. Give them time, respect and keep their trust. Believe me with time they will get more lenient. Running away with your boyfriend from BBM isn't the answer, he's a wasteman. Trust me your dad loves you more, in his own weird way.

7. There is no need to travel with extra clothes in your bag to change into behind a bush on your way out. Just because you're not allowed to show some cheeky shoulder, doesn't mean you have to show everything else to compensate. Respect yourself and know your worth. Are you really trying to get Mo in his Corsa to holla at you? Really now.

8. HUMANS should not smell like CURRY. Curry should smell like curry. Humans should smell like.. Well you get it right. Febreeze yourself if you have to. Crack a window when your mums cooking and shut your room door. Not rocket science. Side note: humans should also smell nice. Hygiene is important. Deodorise when you need it. You know you need it!

9. You don't have to be a doctor or a lawyer. There are other professions. You also don't have to marry a doctor or lawyer. You'll find a nice man one day, or your uncle with the crooked tash has got you sorted already.

10. Not every roadman or rudeboy you meet is going to marry you. Stop planning your wedding Bushra. No you're not tying him down at 21 and no he isn't converting for you. Try focusing on your own deen before trying to change another. Let them be a learning curve. That's all.

11. Learn about your religion. Do not just follow like a sheep. Ask questions. Take on board information. Be proud of your roots. Embrace where you come from and what you believe in. Those who love you truly, will love you for your roots and not leave you when autumn comes and your leaves fade and fall.

12. Asian girls can be sneaky and sly. Be careful of the ones you chose. But you're not in competition and not all of them are bad. You'll get the odd one who'll drop you in shit trying to save their own skin but what you gonna do. Your life isn't Mean Girls: Bollywood Reload. Chill. We've got to to stick together in this.