It Didn't Work Out

"It didn't work out"
Take a breath, it's okay.
It's funny how much a couple of words strung together can hold so much... raw emotion. These four words stop you in your tracks. I guess they have this ability to paralyze you, leave you numb, even when they shouldn't.
They're the way love ends and the story of why my heart hurts sometimes when I catch myself living in the past, the way the story of your heartache begins.

Ultimate December Playlist

There is nothing better than blaring Christmas music! I love, love, love all of these songs. They lift my mood and get me in the best spirits ever. Who would want to miss dancing around in their PJ's with hot chocolate trying to sing along to Mariah.
So deck ya fucking halls and have an impromptu Christmas sing song. Make a hot chocolate, grab your Santa hat and dance around with your Elf on a shelf.. or a spare human if you have one handy!
Without further adieu I give you my ultimate December playlist! I hope you enjoy my Christmas favourites as much as I do.

Enjoy my loves x

Finding Yourself: 5 Things To Remember

1. Be Selfish
It is IMPOSSIBLE to live in a world where you constantly seek to please others. The world is cruel. You will not make it if you continue to act like you don't deserve the best there is. You do deserve it, you deserve everything good that can happen in ones life.
Whether you believe it or not.
2. Be Your Own Advocate
No one will defend you. Absolutely no one is going to put themselves down for your benefit. You need to fight for what you want, it'll be the only way you get things. No one is coming on a white horse to save you. You need to be able to fight your own daily battles.
3. Be Your Own Hero
You do to need saving. I repeat you do not need saving. You are complete. You are perfect as yourself. You can do it. Do not rely on others for your happiness. Ever.
4. Speak Up
You matter. What you have to stay matters. Your thoughts matter, your feelings matter. Preach your beliefs. Let everyone hear what you have to say. If they don't like it or agree, fuck them. Be free with your thoughts. Bottling things up is deadly.
5. Be Confident
Be confident. Take pride in yourself. You're a piece of art. Know your self worth, be poised, be graceful. Know that you are perfect the way you are.
Finding yourself isn't an easy task. We change and evolve everyday but somethings are important to remember. Sometimes we  all struggle and need a little friendly reminder and a lil push.
All my love x

You're Not In My Life

Theres a reason you're always on my mind but you're not in my life,
We all have at least one person in our lives that isn't really involved or technically in our lives anymore however they still somehow manage to be a looming presence, hanging over us like an invisible storm cloud. *Que thunder bolt and storm noises.* 
This person probably makes you angry. Like I mean blood boiling, temper rising, satans crotch fire breathing angry.. Okay that might just be me, short with anger issues over here allow me. But the reason they make you angry might not always be clear to you. 
The mention of their name, a sight of their picture can bring your mood down like the value of the pound in todays economy, yikes.
You're blocked on mostly everything however you still somehow manage to see them, even if its just as your friends innocently scroll through their news feeds and it instantly makes your stomach flip! Thats literally the worst stomach related feeling ever, aside from like starvation ect, I've found so many things this way, not pretty. Anyways back to the subject. 
No matter what the reason is you get angry, whether you know or not, let it go. Just breathe and exhale it out. 
They're no longer in your life for a reason. You may of had good memories, they may have been your friend, love, family member etc, but they're gone for a reason, whether you believe it or not, God is good and he works in mysterious ways that are always beneficial. 
Things happen, people change, we grow apart. So why waste your time getting mad or trying to get even over the past? You will never be able to change it. Thats just a sad fact. 
Do not give people the time of day and space in your thoughts, as they aren't doing it for you. Why waste precious storage up there, some of you don't even have much to spare in the brain memory department, its all love, but allow it. Why harbour negativity in a limited capacity? Do you want fried brains? Nah, I didn't think so. 
Your time and presence is precious. Focus on the good energies in your life. Ask good people how they are, how their day was, YOU WILL ONLY BENEFIT FROM BEING NICE TO GOOD PEOPLE. Feeding snakes will only breed you snakes. 
Avoid thinking about people that make you feel like shit or make you think of bad times. It's the best thing to do. Letting go is hard, but its needed. Forgive, move on, never forget. Learn and mature.
Sometimes though life is unexpected. If you get thrown into a situation where you have to deal with people you would rather cheese grate your face off than talk too.. then kill them with kindness.
The good you bring into others lives will only increase their changes of karma coming round and fucking them the hell up. Show them why exactly they don't deserve you in their lives.
Old doors close so new and better ones can open. Don't be fooled, don't be bitter. 
Be forgiving, be graceful. 
All my love.

It's Okay Not To Be Okay

We all have those days where everything that could go wrong is going wrong. We look around and see  ourselves surrounded by 'normal' people getting on with their 'normal' lives and feel out of place.
It's so easy to confuse emotions. Just because you're not currently content and happy with your situation at this moment in time, doesn't mean you will never be.
Comparisons are poison. I used to be a religious comparer but all it did was make me continuously unhappy. Those normal people we see, they have their own battles  we don't know about. Sometimes what we envy is much worse than what we have.
You are your own person, you live and orchestrate your own life. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. I mean who said you have to be okay all the time? Where the fuck is that a rule? Embrace yourself, lows and highs, peaks and pits, they all make you, you.
Young adult life can be v stressful. Nothing is what we thought. Everything is continuously changing. Overwhelmed and stressy just don't seen to cover what you'll feel at times.
Change is scary, yes I'll admit that. It doesn't always sit well with people, we  want what we're used to, like a cosy blanket of normalcy. Unfortunately thought things aren't meant to stay the same forever. We grow, we change, we evolve, as our energies grow, we simply outgrow things in life. It's nature. It happens.
It's okay to from getting really good grades to the odd bad ones, people have off days, somethings we just don't get. Everyone can't understand everything, then we wouldn't have specialists in things. Get my drift? But a few bad grades don't mean you're failing at life, you're okay.
Maybe you think you're going to be with a  certain someone forever, but it doesn't go to plan. Thats okay too.
Maybe nothing at all has happened today and you just feel like crap, thats completely fine.
Its okay to feel things. Emotions are there to be felt. Its okay to be sad, its okay to not be okay every now and then.
It's not necessary to have an explanation to why you feel like how you do. You don't owe people shit to have to explain things to them.
I am more than aware I am extremely blessed in life and luckier than most with my blessings. I never want to come across as if I take it for granted but aside from all of that, I have days where I don't feel up to life, I don't wanna fight my daily battles, it can get tiring.
It's okay to feel like a mess, its okay to not have 'it all' together, whatever 'it all' is, its okay not to know what you want. You don't need an answer today or tomorrow or by the day after tomorrow. It will come in time.
I cannot stress enough that it is okay not to be okay.
Life isn't easy. It is a constant uphill battle. Life will never be perfect as a picture and nor will we as humans be.
Do not pretend you're okay to please others. Not being okay doesn't make you any less than you are.
Embrace being perfectly imperfect. Love your flaws as much as you do your good points.
Just remember, maybe not today or tomorrow but with time, patience and self love, you will be fine. You've got this. Don't be scared to feel.

All my love x

open letter

Dear all,
I write this open letter to you today to explain why I am carefree, unappologetic and unabashfully unashamed in myself, my protrayal of myself on social media and my work.
I normally do not address issues such as this due to, a tale as old as time, everyone has something to say when your back is turned but never anything to your face.
So today I address you, whether you are old friends, new friends, enemies or strangers, this is to you.
The snaps you post, the tweets you aim and your general words you use to defame my character and who I am, the rumours you spread to belittle me, is more than that. You bash my creativity. My thoughts. My soul. 
I put everything into my blog, and trust me it is not for you narrow minded assholes.
I am not the only person in the world who does this. Blogging and creativity has been about before even you and I. 
I am not trying to make it or to be famous. I am simply enjoying myself and my art. I am being who I wish to be, just as you are with your hate and spite. 
Whether you speak highly or poorly of me, I still seem to be taking up a considerate amount of your thought space, and some of you have really little of that available, I am thankful. I want you to think. The next time you make snide remarks about me buying my readers or even my followers, I am not going to correct you, you're not worth wasting that much time on, I simply ask for you to think. 
I want you to know how it feels when someone attacks you for more than who you are. However I also wish you never experience that. I hope your mind evolves and your creativity continues to flow and you find an outlet like I have.
So please take this as a request. 
A request for you to continue doing you, but just let me do me in peace. It is becoming exhausting.
I ask you to cease and desist from assuming that your opinions bother me and will stop me from living my life.
I did not enter this world with your permission and I sure as hell do not need it to do my own thing and live my life.

Yours truly, all my love. 

Why Now Is The Time To Take Risks

There's no point in being a dreamer if you never get around to the actual doing part of things. Regret is a seriously draining emotion and what could of been should never haunt your future. Taking a risk, a jump of faith, could potentially change your life yes, but isn't the purpose of life to continue to grow and evolve?
Someone close to me recently got married and we're talking about traveling and she told me sometimes she wishes she could drop it all, quit her job and take off traveling with her partner for a few years. I told her she should for it to which she replied "I've never taken a risk in my life, why would I start now!" It really go me thinking that people are willing to go their lives without taking a risk. Some of you would rather live miserable than take a chance to be happy and that isn't okay.
If you wanna launch a clothing line, do it, you wanna take a one way trip to America, do it, do whatever gets you up and out of bed, do you. Do life.
If you're thinking of taking a risk, nows the time and here's  why.

You're Only getting older
With age comes responsibilities - university, career, marriage, family, sick parents and the works. The world waits for no one! 
If you've spent years dreaming, thinking and talking about travelling the world, you're not going to stop wanting to do it, so do it. If you don't, you'll end up regretting it. It's that simple. 
Every minute you spend contemplating putting your job, renting out your place and travel is a minute you could of spent on the beach in The Bahama's. 

The Time Will Never Be Right
There is 24 hours in a day and that isn't even always enough to get everything you need done for the day. So when you're sat at your 9-5 job thinking maybe I'll start my clothing line in a couple of months when I'm less busy.. How can you guarantee you'll be less busy? what if its the opposite? What if you end up swamped in things to do and before you know it, it's been 5 years and you're still sketching on your office files!
It really is now or never, tomorrow isn't guaranteed for anyone and thats a sad truth. 

If You Don't Do, You Wont Know
As over used as it is, you won't succeed if you don't try. You may fail along the way but it's better to fail trying that to fear failure and disabling yourself. Failing and succeeding are equally as important and go hand in hand. No one finds their niche in the world without hitting a few speed bumps and getting a few bruises along the way! 

You Will Evolve
Does taking risks make you a better person? Maybe, depends on the risk.. Does it make you stronger? Yes, yes, definitely yes. So go ahead take that adventure, go sky diving, take that year off uni! Live. Just simply live your life for you and only you. Your happiness is yours for the taking! Think what's the best that could happen, not whats the worst. Change your mind set, let yourself evolve. Be the real you. 

Life Tutorial 101

I've some how managed to get myself through 18 years of life, as thankful as I am, I have quite literally stumbled my way through these 18 years of free play and into *deep breaths* adulthood. Here's a little insight as to what I learned from my little game tutorial.

I swear down if someone had told me at age 15 that the boy I'm crying over would mean jack shit to me in 2 years.. I probably wouldn't have believed them.. but still the point is, there will be PLENTY of boys and girls to cry over, literally loads, he or she isn't shit. You'll get over it. You'll grow and mature and you'll learn to love again and deeper. I won't say it isn't real love,whatever that is, but in our naive states we must remember that if we act like we're 30 and married now, what have we got to look forward to at 30?

Point numero dos. Partying is great. Fake ID's are amazing. Melted attempt at contour and the smokey cat eye.. bit of a hit and miss but you've got years to nail it, nows not the time. Stop trying to look 20 at 14, I have the worst baby face I honestly have no idea what used to possess me when I did my makeup literally a train wreck. Oh and not doing your homework because you've lied and told your mother you're sleeping at a friends so you can actually get smashed and off your face at a party is a bit of a grey area. No, partying isn't technically bad for you.. but a balance is so important. You won't understand how important paying attention in your education is till you fuck it up. Telling your friends you're falling everything may sound funny and relatable at the time but do you wanna be sat outside the job centre in a mid life crisis because you still can't get a part time job at 35? Nah, I didn't think so.
*sidenote: take all alcohol and drugs in proportion please children thanking you all muchly*

This ones a touchy subject but who cares. Don't change any part of you because of who you're friends with. Don't let yourself get into situations that will change your mindset forever. I made that mistake and I'm still working my way to fix it. 'Friends' come and go, its the way of life. I can guarantee the friends you think you'll have forever, you only have them because you're stuck together 5 days a week. College and life will weed out the fake friends and even then, never put it past someone to snake you. People are full of surprises. So be adventurous as to whom you share your time with. I've never felt more at home than with friends I've made a few months ago - shoutout to King Prom's angels and everyone at 57, yes I mean you lot. Fuck it, make friends with the eccentric guy who wears the best shoes, or with the quiet girl who loves taking photos. Take your time to know people, all people, thats all I suggest and the results are worth it.

Now this isn't all I've learned but it is some of the things I wish I had done differently. Childhood and innocence goes by so quickly I wish we didn't spend so much of wishing to be older. Here's to knock door run and playing with your neighbours and water fights, paddling pools and ice lollies in the summer.