It Didn't Work Out


"It didn't work out"
Take a breath, it's okay.
It's funny how much a couple of words strung together can hold so much... raw emotion. These four words stop you in your tracks. I guess they have this ability to paralyze you, leave you numb, even when they shouldn't.
They're the way love ends and the story of why my heart hurts sometimes when I catch myself living in the past, the way the story of your heartache begins.

Eventually, you'll look back on it, all in due time.
Your hair is different now, it's shorter, longer, hell it might even be a different colour now, you've stopped biting your bottom lip in that nervous manner and you bump into someone who knew her, someone who knew you back then.
Back when you were seventeen. Back when you were his.
And for the sake of it they'll ask how you are, but really they don't and couldn't give a fuck, and they'll ask how you've been since then, and finally, they ask the dying question - What happened?
What happened.
Because dear God, if anyone was in love it was you both.
And it wasn't just any love, it was the kind to ignite your bones till the flames engulfed you working its way out of you. It was the kind of love you don't think goes away, until its gone, or looks like it has at least.
So you play it all back in your head, and even though its been a while since you've thought of it, it comes naturally, as if only yesterday.
It comes rushing at you all together, it washes over you until you're drowning.
You'll take every kiss - soft and hard, every tear - happy and sad, every I love you, every forehead kiss, every touch and fit it in-between the gaps of the sentence "It Didn't Work Out" 
You won't talk about the first night you met, that walk you went on, or how your panda pjs are his favourite outfit on you that you own. And you definitely won't talk about how you've never thrown your head back and laughed so hard that your ribs hurt till you met him and that you have not laughed like that since he left.
You won't talk about how he would sneak into your bed and it was like he belonged there from the beginning.
You won't dare mention how he made you feel like you would never die with him, how he kept you alive. How you knew nothing could hurt you, nothing except him of course.
And suddenly you'll feel every emotion possible, and the worst of it all, you'll feel it come to an end again, and its going to hurt no less this time.
You know why you ended but for the life of you you can not put it into words for someone else to understand.
Everything you had, everything you were is gone.
It was the kind of first love that caught everyone by surprise, those two? But how? 
It was accidental, unintended, magical, messy and beautifully reckless and unfortunately, it didn't work out.
Love can be good, love can be bad, bad love can feel right and good. Even when the knives are straight through your heart and its driven you absolutely insane. In fact, if I'm honest, I think that's when it feels better than the good kind.
But everyone was right, those two were damned. They all saw it before you both did and they revelled in its destruction.
It didn't work out, but somewhere, somehow, you know it could of.

Aliyah.

8 comments

  1. This honestly gave me chills it's so good girl! It's so beautifully written!
    Katherine xx

    www.millennialrants.co.uk

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  2. You're gonna get back together one day. You can't ever stop being Deebo girl

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  3. This is so powerful, felt it in my heart and I can definitely relate! And that last lineeeeee.. trying to make me tear up!

    Love love love,
    Ashlee
    ashleemoyo.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. This was so utterly beautiful and honest to read. I wish I was able to read that for the first time all over again. Every word got to me.
    Beautiful piece from a beautiful person.

    Alys
    www.alysgeorge.co.uk

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  5. Absolutely loved reading this.. I hope one day I feel the way you've described love, even if it has the potential to suck later <3

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  6. The type of post that should go viral honestly it's incredible how every sentence is relatable and plays on the heartstrings

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  7. Wow! This definitely stopped me in my tracks to reflect on past experiences!

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